So who’s trying to control who?

August 23, 2010

The group makes the point that some dictates of anti-porn and anti-sex-work feminists go against the right of sexual autonomy and that opposing legalization of prostitution is a moralist, illogical stance.

This rant is punchy and well argued. But I found it quite depressing for a number of reasons:

  1. The reliance on an emotive attack reminds me of why the community is so fragmented and leaves me with a sense of hopelessness. Everything becomes so personal that eventually the community gets splintered into smaller and smaller warring factions.
  2. The video didn’t make it clear that there are many feminists that support legalisation and who support porn. So this is fuel for the ongoing “feminism is responsible for everything wrong in the world” belief.
  3. While I support legalization and the protection it will bring to those with choices, us Lion City residents know all too well it is not the panacea suggested. Here in Singapore where prostitution is legal we just got bumped up on the list of countries with trafficking problems. The fact is there is way more demand than supply, legal or not. Trafficking will continue as surplus demand is met by the black market.

What’s Up with Jack Neo?

March 11, 2010

Bella writes:

Question: What do Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, David Letterman and Jack Neo have in common?

Wrong Answer: They slept around…. OK yes they all did but that’s just what they have in common with half of mankind.

Right Answer: They got caught.

According to Mr Lim Biow Chuan, MP for Marine Parade, “a man who has good career development would find such scenarios unavoidable.”

No doubt Mr. Lim is a successful man himself so he should know. He suggests a darwinian truth: that the alpha males – the successful males – have just a little bit more testosterone than the average guy. Add a few nubile young things to the equation and nature’s outcome is an inevitability.

This is a picture of men that Mr. Lim offers himself. I have slightly more faith in the self control of men but the fact is many guys, given the opportunity, will have extra-marital sex. Of course women will too but it is less common and nobody ever sees fit to characterise the affairs of women as “an inevitability.” But that’s another story.

Who’s to blame?

In the grand scheme of things it seems Mrs Yeo is getting as much condemnation as Mr… on account of the fact that she’s actually not bothered by his antics. The assumption, of course, is that she is an unempowered woman who won’t stand up for her rights.

Maybe. But who’s to say she isn’t completely empowered and that she’s glad to not have to shag his tired old dick any more?

Should she have the right to complain if she doesn’t like him sleeping around? Absolutely. But she should also have the right to say that, “Frankly, I don’t give a shit.”

The shock-horror that a nice guy like Jack would screw around is simply a wake-up call to anyone still living in la-la land. There is no stereotype of “an adulterer” or “a promiscuous man.” Any guy could be that guy. Likewise there is no telltale personality trait of the guy who wanks off to “barely legal teens” or sexually harasses an employee. The nice guy, the upstanding guy, the sweet guy… any of these guys may also be a horn dog.

Of course the next obvious step for Jack is to come out as a sexaholic and say that he is going for counselling. I’ve already got money on this. As a society we cannot accept the fact that some guys are just ridiculously horny. We have to label it as a psychological condition.

If you are under any doubt, check out this description of Hypersexual Dysfunction (proposed for the next DSMV) which essentially describes every teenage boy I’ve ever met.

I’m not suggesting that anyone who has committed to monogamy should have a free pass when they screw around. This betrayal causes a lot of pain to a person’s partner and to his family. It is something that should not be taken lightly or laughed off as “boys will be boys.”

But let’s not kid ourselves that this is some kind of unusual human behavior. If every guy was surrounded by young starlets, maybe it would even be the norm. Many guys would screw around if only for the opportunity. And now that there is essentially political endorsement for this “natural inevitability” there will no doubt be even more men willing to cross the line.

So for those of you who have missed the story in progress, Asian family values now means (1) nothing up the butt and (2) for fucks sake don’t get caught.

At the very least, the public admissions about the extent of this behaviour is refreshing. Historically there has been a secret code amongst men to not let women know how common adultery is. This mostly includes visits to prostitutes but where you can get it for free then that’s even better.

Well I’m here to break the code. Due to some miscalculation on the part of most men I know, they have felt comfortable in sharing their tales of sexploits without fear I’d spill the beans.

Well I’m spilling.

I want women to wake up and realise that there is a bloody good chance your husband is also screwing around so you should be prepared to deal with it. Have a backup plan. Have some emergency money. Have a getaway car or just have some champagne at the ready. And for God’s sake make sure you have some protection from the STDs he may bring home.

And whether you decide to chop off his dick or are happy to not have to “lie back and think of the nation” anymore… either way you have my support.