So who’s trying to control who?

August 23, 2010

The group makes the point that some dictates of anti-porn and anti-sex-work feminists go against the right of sexual autonomy and that opposing legalization of prostitution is a moralist, illogical stance.

This rant is punchy and well argued. But I found it quite depressing for a number of reasons:

  1. The reliance on an emotive attack reminds me of why the community is so fragmented and leaves me with a sense of hopelessness. Everything becomes so personal that eventually the community gets splintered into smaller and smaller warring factions.
  2. The video didn’t make it clear that there are many feminists that support legalisation and who support porn. So this is fuel for the ongoing “feminism is responsible for everything wrong in the world” belief.
  3. While I support legalization and the protection it will bring to those with choices, us Lion City residents know all too well it is not the panacea suggested. Here in Singapore where prostitution is legal we just got bumped up on the list of countries with trafficking problems. The fact is there is way more demand than supply, legal or not. Trafficking will continue as surplus demand is met by the black market.

Virgin Again

August 21, 2010

Dan Savage is usually right on but he seems to have missed the boat a bit on this one. A woman asks is it “un-feminist” of her to lie about her lost virginity.

Ridiculing the questioner is a complete failure to recognize the fucked up culture women live in where they are categorized as either sluts or virgins.

Yes perhaps she should grow a pair and stop picking dickheads who have this world view… But then, depending where you live, this could result in celibacy or cutting your options considerably.

Yes a feminist doesn’t have to apologize for not being a virgin or, for that matter, for being one.

But let’s acknowledge that this world is, for the most part, not populated with feminists and the predominant culture imposes a false dichotomy which hurts women.

Not everyone has the confidence to navigate that minefield in style.

What’s Up with Jack Neo?

March 11, 2010

Bella writes:

Question: What do Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, David Letterman and Jack Neo have in common?

Wrong Answer: They slept around…. OK yes they all did but that’s just what they have in common with half of mankind.

Right Answer: They got caught.

According to Mr Lim Biow Chuan, MP for Marine Parade, “a man who has good career development would find such scenarios unavoidable.”

No doubt Mr. Lim is a successful man himself so he should know. He suggests a darwinian truth: that the alpha males – the successful males – have just a little bit more testosterone than the average guy. Add a few nubile young things to the equation and nature’s outcome is an inevitability.

This is a picture of men that Mr. Lim offers himself. I have slightly more faith in the self control of men but the fact is many guys, given the opportunity, will have extra-marital sex. Of course women will too but it is less common and nobody ever sees fit to characterise the affairs of women as “an inevitability.” But that’s another story.

Who’s to blame?

In the grand scheme of things it seems Mrs Yeo is getting as much condemnation as Mr… on account of the fact that she’s actually not bothered by his antics. The assumption, of course, is that she is an unempowered woman who won’t stand up for her rights.

Maybe. But who’s to say she isn’t completely empowered and that she’s glad to not have to shag his tired old dick any more?

Should she have the right to complain if she doesn’t like him sleeping around? Absolutely. But she should also have the right to say that, “Frankly, I don’t give a shit.”

The shock-horror that a nice guy like Jack would screw around is simply a wake-up call to anyone still living in la-la land. There is no stereotype of “an adulterer” or “a promiscuous man.” Any guy could be that guy. Likewise there is no telltale personality trait of the guy who wanks off to “barely legal teens” or sexually harasses an employee. The nice guy, the upstanding guy, the sweet guy… any of these guys may also be a horn dog.

Of course the next obvious step for Jack is to come out as a sexaholic and say that he is going for counselling. I’ve already got money on this. As a society we cannot accept the fact that some guys are just ridiculously horny. We have to label it as a psychological condition.

If you are under any doubt, check out this description of Hypersexual Dysfunction (proposed for the next DSMV) which essentially describes every teenage boy I’ve ever met.

I’m not suggesting that anyone who has committed to monogamy should have a free pass when they screw around. This betrayal causes a lot of pain to a person’s partner and to his family. It is something that should not be taken lightly or laughed off as “boys will be boys.”

But let’s not kid ourselves that this is some kind of unusual human behavior. If every guy was surrounded by young starlets, maybe it would even be the norm. Many guys would screw around if only for the opportunity. And now that there is essentially political endorsement for this “natural inevitability” there will no doubt be even more men willing to cross the line.

So for those of you who have missed the story in progress, Asian family values now means (1) nothing up the butt and (2) for fucks sake don’t get caught.

At the very least, the public admissions about the extent of this behaviour is refreshing. Historically there has been a secret code amongst men to not let women know how common adultery is. This mostly includes visits to prostitutes but where you can get it for free then that’s even better.

Well I’m here to break the code. Due to some miscalculation on the part of most men I know, they have felt comfortable in sharing their tales of sexploits without fear I’d spill the beans.

Well I’m spilling.

I want women to wake up and realise that there is a bloody good chance your husband is also screwing around so you should be prepared to deal with it. Have a backup plan. Have some emergency money. Have a getaway car or just have some champagne at the ready. And for God’s sake make sure you have some protection from the STDs he may bring home.

And whether you decide to chop off his dick or are happy to not have to “lie back and think of the nation” anymore… either way you have my support.

Show us yer tits

January 15, 2010

Some enterprising young entrepreneurs in Singapore have come up with a new spin on ladies night. Get free drinks depending on your bra size. Just pony up to the Boobie Booth and flaunt your stuff.


Bella says:

Oh boy… where do we start?

This is not unlike Jon Lajoie’s fantastic rap piece “Show me your genitals”.

If you are unfamiliar with this classic piece of viral video, it’s time to educate yourself:

There are women who might think this is all in good fun. But if you are left with a sinking feeling after getting your free drink it is because you just agreed to be valued on the basis of your breasts. You have let a room of men objectify you and in exchange you have gained free alcohol.

Ladies if you are going to sell yourselves then at least have enough self-respect to demand a higher price.

Paying a woman for a gawk or fondle of her [breasts | butt | vagina] is prostitution. You don’t think so? It’s just a question of degree.

John: Would you sleep with me if I gave you a million dollars?

Jane: Yes.

John: OK would you sleep with me if I gave you $100 dollars?

Jane: No! I’m not that kind of woman.

John: We’ve already established what kind of woman you are. Now we’re just haggling over price.

There is nothing morally wrong with prostitution but it comes at a very high price for the prostitute, no matter what she charges.

So be perfectly clear: there are no free lunches and there are no free drinks. And there certainly is nothing “free” about letting a group of men wolf whistle over the size of your ta-tas.

It does bug the shit out of me that women will sell themselves so cheaply. Because when they do, there will be a room full of men who will think women are OK with being valued on the basis of sex alone.

So in that sense these “sisters” are doing us all a disservice. One of those guys might be your boss, your colleague, your classmate… How will it affect the way these men see you?

Am I saying she should not have the choice to sell herself for booze? Not at all. At the end of the day it’s her right to choose. But please bear in mind you’ve sold us all short.


T2 says:

“Overeasy bar and diner is a refreshing and vibrant modern bar concept that blurs the line between dining and drinking while paying tasteful homage to the much-loved American diner.”


Is it me, or am I getting mixed messages here? I’m relatively easy to fool but I’m pretty sure the image Overeasy is marketing with the above sentence does not quite gel with the image of women using their tits as trade-off for free booze.

Seriously. You guys have a pretty decent website. Did you blow all your braincells on it, leaving none for more intelligent marketing ploys? There’s nothing “refreshing” or “vibrant” about an establishment that sells itself using the same cheap methodology as every other product on the market. Selling cars? Boobs. Selling cologne? Boobs. Selling drink? Boobs.

What’s the difference between your enterprise and some cheap brand of beer that plops semi-nude women on its ads?

If you need to get me there with boobs, your bar must really suck.

I like Bella’s reference to prostitution. It works all ways: Establishment prostitutes itself to the general stupidity of the populace in order to get customers. Men prostitute their dignity to the establishment by for the purpose of a gawk. Women prostitute themselves to the male gaze for the purpose of free alcohol.

End Result: Men get a view, women get a drink, establishment makes a profit and everyone is this equation is cheap.

Sound tasteful to you?

Epic, epic fail.